Quick! Lick the handle! Part Two

To recap, Geo bought a truck this past weekend. I should say "we" bought a truck, but Geo will be the primary driver. I mean, it's an '04 Chevy Silverado 2x4 Crew Cab. Ummm, too big for Maidink to handle.

So there we are, we went, we saw, we got approved! I thought Geo was gonna cry, he was so elated. The man has wanted a truck for so long, but fate has dealt such shitty cards to us lately, he felt doomed to drive his 1999 Fidgetmobile forever (or until the engine died). He's been dealt such crappy hands; he's sold many prized possessions just so we can make our monthly debts. We're talking his gun collection (an impressive one it was) and some of his WWII British SAS militaria. It broke his heart, but he did it for me and Dinks. After all he has done, it seemed his time for "payback" was finally coming.

He was so happy, I felt like shit breaking the bad news to him. It was the news I got when I hung up with our insurance company, Safe Auto. Ever hear of Safe Auto? These guys are equivalent to the "no credit, bad credit, no problem" types in this world. They insure anyone. If you have a pulse and a means of paying, you have insurance. Like I said, Geo and I had pretty shitty credit. I was denied a Fingerhut account for Christ's sake. So, the only insurance company willing to take on our car policy in Philly was Safe Auto. And you pay through the ass. Our Saturn with full coverage and the Fidget with bare-bones coverage was US$343 a month. Now, subtract a Fidget and add Gargantua truck, you are now up to, with complete full coverage, US$609.00 a month! I thought I was going to shit a brick when the rep told me that. And now I had to tell Geo.

He took it well. Sorta. He could see in my eye the "how the fuck are we gonna afford this" look. I saw it reflected in his, too.

But dammit all, that wasn't going to spoil our moment. We got a truck and my sweetheart was gonna be the Redneck Man of the Hour. Yeee-ha!

We walked through three showrooms to get to the "Cafe Corral" to wait for our final signing. Yes, threee (with three"e's) showrooms. Reedman-Toll is huge! I was gawking at Jags going for $69,000. Oh yeah, I'll take two. Geo saw a Subaru Outback for me that he liked. I wish he didn't point it out 'cause now I have the new car bug up my ass. And being in a showroom with all those cars wasn't helping!

Geo was so damn thrilled. He called his buddy, Vince, in MD to tell him the news. Vince is a Ford man, but we still like him anyway. And if you're reading this Vince, just kidding. I could hear him talking about truck liners and things for the truck. He was so happy. I kept drinking coffee, actually cappuccino, and mulling the figures in my head. We owned Fidget outright so we could sell it. If I filled up the tank, we could get US$50 for it. Oh, my head was hurting, but I never let on to Geo. He was on Cloud Number Nine.

We waited for over an hour. That seemed rather stupid to me. Here we were, about to sign on a six year max commitment with nothing really keeping us there. Normal people would have thought about this in their right mind and said, "A $609 payment on top of a truck payment? Oh we are so outta here!" As for us, our reality check hadn't completely bounced. The insurance just gave it a case of check kiting. And waiting was not helping the situation at all.

Then I realized we were in an Internet Cafe area. With computers. And access to the net. Sudoku!

Finally, our account manager showed up and we were lead into her office. Nuts, I had just started my game, too. Oh well. And crimeney, it was hot in her office. I'm normally cold all the time. I swear I need to sun on a rock to retain warmth through the day. But her office was Hades hot. Remember my head hurting earlier? Can you say tension headache manifesting into migraine? Sure, I knew you could.

She had Geo and I watch these videos on the importance of extended warranties, Gap insurance, life/disability insurance, and theft deterrents. I felt like I was in high school again. All that was missing was a lecture on the importance of not smoking or bathing regularly. Geo and I already knew we were picking up disability and an extended warranty. What a time waster that was.

Amy, that was her name, returned with our paperwork. We signed, we sealed, and within a half hour, we were off the parking lot - me in my Saturn and Geo in his truck.

And didn't it figure, his left brakelight was out.

Ah, but this is STILL not the end of the tale. Oh no, there is much more to this story.

Please stay tuned.

... to be cont'd