pick-ups vs. mercedes

In my mundane world, I have to commute daily to and fro to my job which is an hour away from my home. I and my daughter leave super early in the morning and get home super late at night. That sucks.

"So, get a job closer and quite whining" says my inner critic.

"She is actively looking for a job closer to home. She isn't whining about anything. She accepts her life as it is" says my inner spiritual counselor.

"Whatever" says the critic, flips the bird, and disappears.

Anyway, I leave early so as to avoid most of the traffic on the PA Turnpike.

And the accidents. Least we forget the accidents that occur daily in almost the same spots. A few weeks ago, listening to the local news station on the AM dial, the traffic reporter starts off with "And it's another fun-filled day for west bound commuters on the [PA] Turnpike..." Call me intuitive but that's not the best way to gear up people for a rather nasty traffic report.

And then the real fun begins.

Why oh why do people insist on laying on their car horn in bumper to bumper nightmarish traffic? What - your car horn will make everyone else around you say,

"Oooo, that person has to get somewhere so I better move"

Guess what, sugar? It don't work that way. Everyone has to get somewhere and that fact that you are blasting your horn in some cryptic Morse pattern doesn't help.

Traffic is backed up for miles as you listen to the traffic report (it's now become your favorite station). The reporter states the source of this mayhem is an X number car accident blocking whichever is the most inconvenient lane about three miles ahead. They assure you the accident has been cleared but traffic is moving oh so slowly.

You hear a horn beep. Idiot.

Forty-five minutes and 5 reports later, you have driven your three miles and the traffic suddenly opens up. No remains of wreckage is around and now everyone is driving like Dale Jr gunning for the checkered flag.

So is a normal daily commute.

Except for today. Traffic was relatively light. It must have been some people have already left for their 4th of July extended holiday weekend.

Or they overslept.

You'd think with light traffic the commute wouldn't be dangerous. Oh, but there you are mistaken. It was doubly dangerous this morning. I witnessed four close call would-be accidents. And the perpetrators in each of these evil deeds were either pick-up trucks or Mercedes.

It didn't matter what brand of pick-up just so it was larger than an ordinary family sedan which I guess gave the driver carte blanche to drive like an ass. And drive that way they did. Running people who are merging onto the Turnpike into the shoulder. Not using a turn signal and zipping into whatever lane suit their fancy. And it was always pick-ups.

Please note: one of my biggest pet peeves while driving is others not using a turn signal. Last I checked, turn signals were not options but standards on all makes of cars. Another peeve is someone not thanking you via a hand wave for allowing them to get in front of you or onto the road from a parking lot or side street. Can you say "Ignorant"?

Then comes the Mercedes drivers. Another group that feels because they drive cars that cost twice my yearly salary, they can drive in whatever erratic way they see fit.

Is it just me or has anyone else noticed the more expensive a car is the least likely the driver will have a hands-free headset for their cell phone? Take note one day at a BMW, Mercedes, and any other vulgar display of wealth on wheels and the driver will have their cell phone up to their head. What, car payment too much that you can't buy a cheap little $5 headset at Wal-mart or Pep Boys?

I wonder what this evenings commute will bring. It's raining right now so the chances of another adventurous drive are near 100%.

nope, that don't work either

I was given this wonderful task today in work. Well, I wouldn't say wonderful. O.K., boring as hell. But, it was a time waster so I didn't argue.

Our company was going to have a manger's meeting in Texas and I had to make up these little blank name signs that were to be given to each manager at the meetings. I was told to make the little signs cute and creative. Oooo, free reign of the artist license using clip art.

I decided to make them look like passport pages (my company does an absurd amount fo traveling).

Now, to create passport stamps representing each of our sites: Dallas TX, Philadelphia PA, Milwaukee WI, Long Island NY, Barrow-In-Furness England, and Oxford CT. Sounds easy enough.

Dallas got a picture of a cowboy hat with a sheriff star on it. Not bad.

Philadelphia got the big cracked bell plus Benjamin Franklin. So far so good.

Milwaukee got a beer and some cheese. Moving right along.

Long Island got the Staue of Liberty. This is easy.

Barrow-In-Furness got the Union Jack plus a double-decker bus. No grey area there.

All that was left was Connecticut.

.... uh ... what the frig does one use for Connecticut?

Nothing came to mind immediately. O.K. there is Mystic Pizza but showing a picture of pizza does not conjure up vivid images of the country's 5th state. CT is loaded with history but nothing that is especially pictorial. A picture of Nathan Hale? Not as easily distinguished as Ben Franklin.

I mean, every state in the friggin union has its own little nuance that makes it special. What the hell does Connecticut have?

Even their quarter is boring. A tree??

So CT's stamp was a picture of the state itself. I decided that Connecticut is nothing more than a huge rest area between New York state and the rest of New England.

Hopefully my company will see the humor in that.

stay away you friggin a*hole ... and i do

People just simply amaze me. The next time we'll hear about this chicky in the news will be when the authorities find her remains along some rural highway.

And here I thought the buggy eyed runaway bride was the dumbest wedding news story of the year. This one, though it will get less media coverage (thank goodness), is in the running.

Dumbass ...

Unlikely Wedding

messed up phone system

so i'm calling this phone number for an eye center in new jersey. it rings. it breifly stops. i hear really bad elevator music - you know the kind - imagine "behind blue eyes" done on a $250 yamaha keyboard with a bossa nova beat. then a voice comes on stating they'd be very happy to activate my new $8,000 credit line.

???

i wonder if i call citibank i'll get lens crafters

ignore that haloscan thing

i don't know how i managed but i lost it. oh well.

i have to stop watching the news

i avoid the news on tv like a disease. it's the same thing every friggin time. the first five minutes is devoted to the "top story" of the day. that's usually the most horrible thing one could imagine so of course i want to watch five minutes worth of the subject. then reporters dwell for two to three minutes on other horrible subjects (i.e., child deaths, the war, elections, etc). and where are all the happy thoughts? at the very end - after weather and sports - and it lasts for twenty seconds.

and least we forget i live in philly. our news is notorious for reporting fires. if you're ever in philly and have time to watch the local news, check it out. there is always a fire being reported. and if no significant fires occur in philly, we'll go to jersey or delaware to find one. heck, i remember they reported on a fire in canada. yeah, that totally affects philly daily life.

and then there is my mother - the town crier.

why is it every time i call my mother i get a recap of the worst possible news of the day?

RING

"hello?"

"hey, mom."

"oh honey, did you hear about the poor child who died today?"

"no, mom, actually i avoid such news. you know that stuff bothers me."

"well, she and her family just moved into a new home. she was climbing on top of the tv and it fell and killed her."

long sigh followed by three seconds of silence

"mom, why do you insist on watching the news?"

"they say things like this can be prevented with an anchor on the tv. does your tv have an anchor?'

"no."

"oh honey, you should get one to protect that dear little baby."

"mom, do you have any good news to tell me?"

about ten seconds of silence passes

"yeah, mom, i gotta go. promise me no more news."

"do you have an anchor?"

"no. tell dad i said hi and i'll call you tomorrow."

"o.k., sweetie. get an anchor and tell the baby we love her."

senility is slowly overtaking her. while it is slightly amusing, it's highly annoying.

hot dogs ... get your red hots here

the trucking industry is not fun or glamorous. it actually sucks. i don't give a shit what you might see on bj and the bear or convoy. diesel prices are through the roof (as we all know from gas prices at the pumps), tolls are going up all the time, police just love to pull truckers over, and cars almost never cut trucks a break on the highways.

with all the bs they have to put up with on the roads, i'm surprised the road rage epidemic hasn't spread to them. i always hear about suvs and pick-ups getting into highway squabbles. not tractor-trailers. maybe it's the fact that no four-wheeler in their right mind would screw with an eighteen-wheeler no matter how pissy or bitchy they may be. i'm sorry but i don't care if you're driving a friggin hummer - an eighteen-wheeler will crush your ass and wipe its wheels on your hood.

so it's no wonder geo said to me the other day

"i want to quit trucking and buy a hot dog concession cart."

the man is not kidding.

he's already picked out the trailer he wants to buy and where he's gonna buy the food products. i have been looking up all the various info he needs to get the permits, licenses, yadda yadda yadda. and as for location, he believes he has found the perfect spot. so who is he looking at to be his main customers? yep, truckers.

i'll be quitting my job and donning a hotdog costume so as to dance and wave to passing traffic to drive business in.

and we're dressing our daughter like a cocktail wienie.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

oh boy! my first tag!

wowie zowie! thanks cuz for tagging me. i feel so special. no not really. i thinks me was tagged so i would start blogging. nothing like peer pressure and a swift digital kick in the keester ta get ya goin'.

A Lifetime

10 years ago: trying desperately to figure out of a way to get out of the world's worst relationship. i mean it; my girlfriend was a complete psycho. it was mostly my fault - i attracted ever emotional baggage handler within a twenty mile radius. i was in anger management therapy plus good old fashion regular get-my-shit-together therapy. i was moving into a new apartment in the NE. and, i was still going to night school fulltime to get my finance degree. wow, that's a lot. no wonder i was nuts.

5 years ago: i was watching my husband slowly mentally disintegrate due to his disability. my in-laws moved in with us just so we didn't lose our home. my marriage of less than six months was starting to head south. i was starting to lose control and wondered if i needed to head back to anger therapy again.

1 year ago: watching my little girl run around with a lego bucket on her head and crash into the walls of my home. her daddy had started job number three for the year hauling meat across all 48 states. life was boring and predictable. i loved it.

yesterday: called around and surfed the web to find hot dog concession trailers for sale. picked up my daughter who had a new scrape this time next to her left eye.

today: suffered pa turnpike traffic and now i'm in work avoiding that very subject.

tomorrow: probably the same thing as today but it will be tomorrow.

5 snacks i enjoy: chocolate bars with almonds; odwalla bars, namely berry and cranberry; ice cream - not a half-gallon flavor but something like ben and jerry's phish food; moon pies with an rc or milk; raw veggies like cauliflower, broccoli, and carrots with french onion dip

5 songs i know all the words to: the first four songs on the b-52's first album; time warp from rocky horror; redneck woman by gretchen wilson; secure yourself by the indigo girls; every song on bat out of hell by meat loaf; there are tons of others (led zep, metallica, jason mraz, dmb, rolling stones, etc.) these are the ones i thought of first

5 things i would do with $100,000,00.00: (after retaining the lawyer and investor) give back to my church (really, i would); give some to my family and in-laws in the form of trust accounts and/or mortgage pay-offs; take a one year tour of the world; donate to certain charities; anything else i friggin wanted to do

5 locations i'd like to run away to: (provided i had cash and knew where the hell i was going) hawaii; scotland; germany; us virgin islands; down to the joisy shore (yeah - it's the philly girl comin' out)

5 bad habits i have: eating food i know is down right bad for me; avoiding work; getting up late; saying things around my parrot child that i don't want her repeating; repeating myself

5 things i like doing: spending time with my family and friends; listening to music of all sorts; going to amusement parks; watching classic movies; boogieboarding (which i will get back into again)

5 things i would never wear: fur anything; bikini; daisy duke short shorts; t-shirts you'd see worn at a state fair (ie., i'm with stupid --->); banana clip

5 t.v. shows i like: csi (all of them); touched by an angel; house; family guy; judging amy

5 movies i like: singing in the rain; tommy boy; the princess diaries; jumping jack flash; the longest day

5 famous people i'd like to meet: queen elizabeth ii; oprah winfrey; martina mcbride; hillary clinton (honest); johnny depp. if this were of the dead set: jesus christ; mahatma gandhi; queen elizabeth i; harriet tubman; robert e lee

5 biggest joys at the moment: my daughter; my relationship with her daddy, my fiancé, g; having a job that allows me to blog; becoming more spiritual; having my parents in my life

5 favorite toys: legos; playdough; laptop; saturn; ipod

here's the problem folks, i know no one! i can't say "tag you're it" 'cause i am brand new to the world of blog. as this progresses i'm sure i'll meet taggable e-peeps.

generic

yes, i'm back in the blogger world thanks to the bug up my backside. that and reading my cousin jr's blog kinda gets ya in the mood. you sit there and think,

"hey, i can do that. yeah ..."

then i hear another voice

"and who the hell is gonna read your crap? i won't. jr's writing has finesse. you can't even spell finesse without spellcheck."

that is true. i went on www.m-w.com to make sure of my accuracy (another word i checked).

other people have voices to tell them to rob liquor stores or free caged elephants from various zoos. i have a critic.

so here i am. welcome to the most generic frigging blog you'll read. even the layout reminds you of the white labeled, barcoded, simply described products that graced the aisles of the local grocery store, can be seen in repo man, and were fixtures in the kitchen of my other cousin's home in my youth. yep, i'm boring with a touch of unsanity blended in to keep others on the damn toes.

no, that was intentional. i am quite the sane person. i just some things that others would consider bizarre or not of the norm - hence, unsane.

and generic ... for now