i have to stop watching the news

i avoid the news on tv like a disease. it's the same thing every friggin time. the first five minutes is devoted to the "top story" of the day. that's usually the most horrible thing one could imagine so of course i want to watch five minutes worth of the subject. then reporters dwell for two to three minutes on other horrible subjects (i.e., child deaths, the war, elections, etc). and where are all the happy thoughts? at the very end - after weather and sports - and it lasts for twenty seconds.

and least we forget i live in philly. our news is notorious for reporting fires. if you're ever in philly and have time to watch the local news, check it out. there is always a fire being reported. and if no significant fires occur in philly, we'll go to jersey or delaware to find one. heck, i remember they reported on a fire in canada. yeah, that totally affects philly daily life.

and then there is my mother - the town crier.

why is it every time i call my mother i get a recap of the worst possible news of the day?

RING

"hello?"

"hey, mom."

"oh honey, did you hear about the poor child who died today?"

"no, mom, actually i avoid such news. you know that stuff bothers me."

"well, she and her family just moved into a new home. she was climbing on top of the tv and it fell and killed her."

long sigh followed by three seconds of silence

"mom, why do you insist on watching the news?"

"they say things like this can be prevented with an anchor on the tv. does your tv have an anchor?'

"no."

"oh honey, you should get one to protect that dear little baby."

"mom, do you have any good news to tell me?"

about ten seconds of silence passes

"yeah, mom, i gotta go. promise me no more news."

"do you have an anchor?"

"no. tell dad i said hi and i'll call you tomorrow."

"o.k., sweetie. get an anchor and tell the baby we love her."

senility is slowly overtaking her. while it is slightly amusing, it's highly annoying.