Halloween Meltdown

Yes, I realize it is already November 2nd and I should have blogged about this yesterday but I didn't so there!

Just as a precursor, I was still sick on Monday. Coherent, but sick.

Dinks did not want anything to do with Elmo on Monday morning. Halloween morning. With her parade in the afternoon. And tricks or treats in the (very dark) evening. I'm standing at the foot of my bed with her standing on the mattress shaking her head back and forth in response to my "Please be Elmo" begging. This child did not want to be anything. She wanted to be "Dinky". Lovely. Leave it to my kid to develop a strong sense of self at the age 2.75 on Halloween. I told her she did not have to be Elmo, that she was going to dress up as Dinky for Halloween. She seemed satisfied.

I did stuff the red furry googly eyed rag in a Strawbridges bag and toted him to school anyway.

While my child was in school not contemplating being Elmo for the day, I was back in work and everyone was dressed in costume. I was so glad the memo was sent out Friday and someone was gracious enough to call me while I was out sick. I'm sorry ... was that a bit sarcastic? Three of my co-workers were vampiresses. One was a Jedi Knight. Had I known, I would have broken out the beer wench costume or bought a Hogwarts costume.

I left work mid-afternoon for the Halloween parade at the little one's school. To call it a Halloween Parade is being kind. It's a parade at least in title on the events calendar. Just imagine a bunch of little kids strolling out of a building all in costume to a bunch of waiting adults with videocams in hand (the adults not the kids). As soon as a parent is spotted, the child breaks rank and hauls ass to get to Mommy and/or Daddy and/or whoever. So it's really not a parade per se - more like a mob scene of costumed midgets.

Dinks was in the Elmo get up. The one aide, Lauren, told me the only way they got her in it was they promised she could parade around with a fake ax. I said "Oh how cute, Killer Elmo". That's when I was told "No, she was Fire Dept Elmo." Oh for crying out loud! Fine, but next time put a fire hat on the kid's head and wipe off the red stuff from the axe blade if you want to be politically correct.

She seemed fine being Elmo so I told her we were heading to Nana and Pop-Pop's so they can see her in costume.

Big mistake.

First, she didn't want to wear Elmo anymore. Second, she didn't want to go trick or treating. Third, she didn't want to leave my parents' home.

So after a whole twenty minutes at mom and dad's, I had to carry, literally carry, my kicking and screaming child out to the car so we could go home. After a few well maneuvered Lucha Libre wrestling moves, I got her buckled in her seat and we left. It was the longest ten minute trip home in my life. She was having a fit so bad she actually vomited (I know, pleasant isn't it). I have no idea what started it but she hated the world.

Hindsight being 20/20, we figured that the clocks rolling back plus lack of afternoon nap created the toddler fit from Hell.

At the homestead, I was trying desperately to console my now naked toddler screaming and throwing various detached light objects. She was naked because I was changing her diaper and she wanted to wear panties and not a diaper. Negative on the request since princess is not potty trained. So of course that just added to her already high-end hysteria. What's a little more fuel to this fire anyhow.

Geo came home and the child ran screaming into his arms. He soothed her by telling her it was all okay and before my eyes, my little lycanthrope reverted back to being human.

With a little bribing, Dinks agreed to put on the Elmo costume once more and she and Geo went out trick or treating. He told me there were a few incidents like her seeing someone dressed as the "Scream". Upon seeing said being, she dropped her candy bag and hauled ass. She doesn't handle scary things well. I was left to watch the homefront and dole out the candy. It wasn't so bad. Psycho was on some channel on DirecTV (I still haven't figured out the channel layout). And I was interrupted about ten times the whole night. We bought three huge bags of candy and went through half of one. So now Dinks believes the leftover spoils are hers to keep. I'll let her think that as I swipe a piece of bubble gum a day.

And that was my Halloween 2005. The bribing we did to get her to go trick or treating? We told her she could stay up late to watch "Halloween Dora" and eat chocolate. She didn't - she crashed the second she returned from candy collecting. Like I always say, thank goodness for lack of short term memory.