Thursday, February 16, 2006

Under no circumstances will my child ever feel this way again

I posted something yesterday. As soon as it was out for the whole Blogworld to see, I deleted it.

It was a letter I wrote to Dinks daycare about something that happened to her.

I questioned whether I should post such an item. I questioned why post such an item. It's not like posting the letter would make what happened go away. I did the rational thing and put in writing on paper what occured and brought it to the attention of those that matter (owner and directors). Writing also helped me to release my anger without going completely ballistic. Multiple apologies were given to me and, I suspect, Dinks. The incident was over, so why dredge it up?

Because it happened to my child. Besides, I post everything else. Why not this?

And on a personal note, thanks for "talking" to me, CP.


February 14, 2006

Dear Owner and Director:

Let me just state for the record that I love the daycare center. What is even better than me loving daycare center is my daughter, Dinker, loves it, also. She looks forward to going to school everyday and even feels a bit disappointed on the weekends when she does not go to school.

That said, it upsets me to have to write this letter.

I am referring to the incident that occurred yesterday when I picked up Dinker.

Dinker is in the midst of potty training. We all know what fun that is for a parent and what frustration it is for the child. Dinker also has a documented problem with her bowels and that makes it even more frustrating for both parties. In my opinion, she is doing well. She has to get a rhythm down and I realize that comes in time.

Knowing she is training, I packed an extra set of clothes for her yesterday. They were in a plastic shopping bag, and hanging in her cubby space. The bag consists of a shirt, a pair of pants, a t-shirt, a pair of plain white socks, and a pair of shoes. That was her second set of clothes. Her other set of clothes are in her backpack. That set consists of a shirt, a pair of pants, a t-shirt, and a pair of plain white socks. In addition to that pair of socks, there were TWO other pair of socks in the backpack. They were a white pair of Hanes and a white pair of Baby Gap. That is FOUR pair of socks, in total, that were readily available yesterday for my child along with her two sets of clothes.

Dinker did have an accident yesterday; she wet herself. I think it was because of her little bowels. She probably had to have a bowel movement and the pressure was too much for her bladder. Again, we are working with her on that rhythm thing. I know children that are potty training are prone to accidents and I fully understand that.

When I walked in and went to her cubby to get her stuff together, one of the aides (I can never remember names but I do remember faces) gave me a plastic bag with Dinky’s clothes and told me she had an accident. As she was telling me this, I had in my hand the plastic bag of clothes that was her back-up set. I asked if she used these clothes and she said no, they used the ones in her bag (meaning her backpack). I did not think anything of it, got the rest of Dinky’s stuff together, and went into the main playroom to get her.

The “other” Miss L (not her teacher as Dinky will tell me but the second Miss L) was there and told me, also, of Dinker’s accident, and told me that Dinker was very upset about it. I thanked her for the information and she left. That is when the first aide, who brought me Dinker’s soiled clothes, told me her socks were wet, but that she put Dinky’s boots back on her. I got a chair, told Dinker to sit, pulled her boots off, and sure enough, her socks were saturated with urine. A bit upset, but not wanting to show it to my child since she was upset enough after peeing herself, I changed her socks, put her shoes on her, threw the urine soaked socks in the bag of soiled clothes, and we left.

There were four pairs of socks available to my child at any given time and your school was going to let my child leave with urine soaked socks in snow boots in freezing cold temperatures? Did someone think putting boots over urine soaked socks was acceptable? That is beyond unacceptable.

To say I am livid is a grand understatement. To say her father is livid is an even larger understatement. I am starting to think some people only do what is minimally necessary and nothing more. That is sad considering the tuition we parents pay each month for the benefit, safety, and well-being of our children. It is negative incidents, such as this, that can outweigh a thousand positives.




It was bad enough that my child felt humiliated that she wet herself, but to have her wear the soaked socks? I don't know about you, but I would think of it as a kind of punishment. At least, that's what a three year old might think.

I'm not out to get even with her daycare center by posting this letter. As you can see, all proper names have been removed.

So why post it?

I guess in some small way, posting it helps me feel vindicated.


Whinger said...

Oh, sweet Dinks.

You did the right thing.

Spikey1 said...

Deja Vu!

Kyahgirl said...

aw, poor little thing. sure she would be feeling humiliated. That was very poor handling on the part of the staff. I think you did the right thing too.

Celena said...

Posting it is no big deal..except that little dinks might look back on this in a few years and be embarrased! ;)

tomithey said...

OMG I'm living and it's not even my child. Seems to me like someone did that on purpuse to punish her. It would take a lot for me not to go back in their and hit someone for that kind of shit. That is beyond unacceptable.

Charlie on the PA Turnpike said...

I am crossed between suggesting you find the Miss L responsible for this uncaring and unhealthy action and give her a verbal what-for she deserves, compounded with a letter to the State about this place's obvious lack of proper supervision .... and suggesting you grin, bear it, and hope it doesn't happen again, as finding day care that is as good as you say is hard these days.

Jaded&Opinionated said...

I am one of those proverbial "lurkers." I stumbled upon your blog some time ago, and I check back from time to time. This particular post had me furious.

I have a 3 year old who recently finished potty training. Ok, just day time potty training...nights are a different beast entirely. But the thought that her teacher or aide would force her to wear urine saturated socks for even a second would have me over the edge. I'd rather she not have socks on at all. And if you allowed your child to wear urine soaked clothing, socks included, you know someone at the school would call child protective services in a heartbeat. Why is it then acceptable for them to do this without some consequences?

Perhaps the letter was enough, but as the mother of a young daughter, I'd have been writing letters too. You absolutely did the right thing. The poor kid was humiliated enough because of her accident... but to then wear the urine for the rest of the day? I think I might have gone diva on them. (going diva is much like going postal, only with artistic flair)

I do enjoy your blog.

Merci said...

Has the daycare responded? They should look into it and reply. They should also let you know what action they have taken. They might even have a legal obligation to report complaints to the agency licensing the center. If you don't hear from them, you could ask about their procedures for handling complaints.

Maidink said...

Whinger - I may yell at my kid for peeing in her pants (which still isnt' right), but no one else better make her feel like crap.

Spikey - You're the observant one.

Kyah - Geo wanted to blow up the place. I took the more diplomatic approach.

Celena - That's my fear. I can hear it now. "Thanks, mom. Not only do I not remember it, now the whole blog world has read about it. I so hate you. I'm going to the mall."

Tomithey - I'm thinking it was more laziness than punishment. Oh, if it was punishment, fur would be flying because this momma cat would be in one huge cat brawl!

Charlie - I chose the latter of the two. it really is a good school and the aides are more transitional and/or seasonal.

Jaded - Pleased to meet you, though I wish it had been on better circumstances.

I was going to go insane on the school, but I held back. I go insane enough on my kid (which I feel has scarred her and her toilet training). I have a short fuse which I know is SOOO not good. I try to hold everything in, but sometimes I pop; unfortunately, Dinks is there for the witnessing. It scares her more than anything else. So, this time, I held it in and let my popping hit the MS Word keyboard.

The school knows if anything, even a minute anything, happens again, my child and her tuition will find a new daycare.

merci - yes, they responded quickly. Since the incident, the owner and director always ask how everything is. Nothing like being reactive.