Monday, October 24, 2005

What not to say when applying for your marriage license - part one

Well, we did it! Geo and I finally got our marriage license. My gosh, we are a lazy pair of so-and-so's.

We went to the Bucks County Courthouse in Doylestown. Yeah, I realize we live in Philly but getting to Center City is such as dog and I didn't feel like fighting I-95S traffic in the rain.

So we fought with 611- N traffic in the rain.

It was so easy to get there. No lie! It was cakewalk. Stay on 611. Then, bear to the right to Doylestown. Straight ahead. To the left at the fork. BOOM! You are there!

And D-Town was so ... so ... clean. No one was laying on a stoop nearby wondering if we had spare change. No one was standing on a corner proclaiming that Roosevelt should be impeached (I did witness that in Center City once). All of Doylestown's downtown was neat and orderly and manicured. I mean really manicured - almost Stepford Wife-ish.

The courthouse itself is located right at a fork in the road between Main and Court. Geo kept saying "I doubt this is it. It don't look like a courthouse." In between shivering mumbles (it was blastedly cold Friday morning), I told him to shut up and keep walking. He did - begrudgingly. He kept making comments like, "It looks more like a library" and "Are you sure you know where we are?" Quite honestly, I had no clue where we were. I, too, didn't think we were at the right spot but I wasn't going to let him know I was in doubt. When we got to the building's entrance, there was these big ole fat letters saying "courthouse".

"See," I said to him pointing my finger "I told you so. Now where's my apology?"

"Yeah okay. Fine, I'm sorry you dragged my ass up here."

Ignoring him, I went through the glass doors. We walked through another set of double glass doors that lead to the bottom of a stairway to the second floor landing. I must have had my "where-the hell-am-I" look on because the guard said to us,

"Marriage licenses? Up the stairs to that landing, pass through security, go to the elevators to the third floor, go to your right down the hall and it's there on your right side."

Yikes! The man read my mind (not like it's a ripping read). He smiled the entire length of his little spiel and I swear he didn't take a breath. I was in awe.

I looked at Geo and said, "He must be used to that."

Geo shook his head and replied, "Hello? The man JUST said he sees couples like us all the time. Christ, try listening!" By now he was walking ahead of me up the stairway.

I shot him a look. "So says the ass to the woman who he KNOWS is going deaf." I don't know if he heard me. He probably did.

We fumbled through security. I handed the guard my pocketbook which he dropped on the conveyer belt. I made an embarrassed face as I emptied my pockets into the little plastic container.

"Please excuse the contents" I said as I dropped a tampon I had roaming in my jacket pocket into the bucket.

"I don't see anything unusual" he replied with a smile. What was it with the guards and smiling here? Did they go to a class in Disney World on being a good cast member?

I walked through the metal bars and quickly pocketed my unmentionables on the other side.

We hopped on the elevator to the third floor. As I got off, I started walking to my right when I hear Geo say "Wait, is that the right way?"

He was staring at a sign on the wall that had all these arrows and different department names.

"Dumbass, remember the guard's speech? Off the 'vator and to the right."

"Yeah but that sign says for hunting, fishing, and dog licenses" he said pointing down a hall that effectively would have been behind us when we got off the elevator (make a right and a quick right again).

"Yeah, and the arrow points that way. We want to go that way ... to the right the second you get off the elevator. Oh ... and look! That arrow is pointing down this hall! And it says marriage licenses. What a friggin concept!"

I screwed up my eyes and made the most obnoxious dumb face possible. He looked at me and gave me a "Duh!" cross-eyed face.

As we walked the hall, I asked him, "Are you ever going to ask me to marry you?"

"I'm spending fifty bucks on the license. What more do you want?"

"It would be nice if you actually proposed."

"Yeah, okay."

We live together, have a child, and I wash his laundry. You'd think he would at least ask me to get hitched. I wasn't even asking for him to get on one knee. Lord knows he'd have a rough enough time getting back up off the floor.

Be as it may, proposed to or not, we were about to apply for our "death do us part" license.

... to be continued


mdmhvonpa said...

D-Town is fairly nice. It's almost like some sort of Movie set ... even the cost of living there. The wife expressed interest once till she saw the price-tag.

Virginia Gal said...


Reading about Geo gives me hope that maybe a boy can like you and just be totally oblivious to things that we girls find important.

Whinger said...

Ahhhh---you already SOUND so married; I think you're all set. :)

CrankyProf said...

Yay and congrats! If it's any consolation, wehn D> and I got our marriage license, we got it at the Media courthouse, and the sign on the door was for hunting, fishing and dog licenses, as well.

If you want to see Stepford, come out to Chester County. (Yeah, even my house -- I can admit it.)

We even have a local Officer Friendly, and little parades (like the Halloween one, this Saturday).

Merci said...

We had to go to an old brick building in a one-horse town to get our marriage license, 15 years ago.

Very best wishes to everyone!

Belinda said...

OK--Geo? The phrase, "Yeah, Okay," does NOT a marriage proposal make. I'm hoping for a *smidgen* of romance in the next installment, although the conversational exchange does sound way too familiar to me...;-)

Rowan said...

Great story, you guys act like a real married couple already! HA! I had to laugh at He kept making comments like, "It looks more like a library" because in my hometown, the courthouse IS the old library and still has the big gothic cemented letters HAMILTON PUBLIC LIBRARY embossed onto the front of the, yeah, you COULD actually get a little lost around OUR courthouse! The old courthouse is now a university! But, we don't have many homeless around that part of town, just a lot of buses.

Sangroncito said...

When I was a kid we lived in Chester County, stepdad was program director of WCAU in Philly....anyway, I've never understood why one needs a license to get married!

Anonymous said...

Congrats-you're on your way! Now you just need to set the date. I know, that brother of mine has to get it in gear. Sometimes he's such a stick in the mud! Everyone is right, you two do act like you're already married!


Charlie on the PA Turnpike said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Charlie on the PA Turnpike said...

Congrats on taking the step.

A guy I knew, several years ago, was asked by his bride-to-be what wedding song he wanted played. He thought for a moment and said 'The Kinks' Lola whose lyrics (for you youngins' out there) spoke of a guy who was later surprised at the 'date' he picked up in a bar and includes the line:

Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
why she walks like a woman and talks like a man.

He then asked 'What song do you want played??'

Her reply?

Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

Tony said...

But... but... you said you were gonna leave him and marry ME!

What happened to us, Maidink? Have we drifted so far apart?

That's it. I'm gay, now!

Maidink said...

MDM - my bro lives there. It's so him. I'm not a big high-price kinda person (she says as she blogs from her job on the Main Line).

VG - Geo and I are a bizarre little couple. And I really mean little - we're both 5'6".

You'll find someone, too. I know it.

Whinger - everyone thinks we are married. So telling people we are getting married crops up the #1 response of "Oh, you're renewing your vows?" Just once I want to reply, "Yeah, the old ones went past their due date."

CP - I know Chesco all too well. So you live in a Hallmark home, too? That's what I refer to my brother's home as.

merci - thank you very much. And I would love to live in a one-horse, covered bridge, closed on Sundays town.

belinda - Oh yeah, the romance just oozes out of him in part two. :)

Rowan - so you have buses on street corners wanting to see Roosevelt impeached? Wow! That's pretty impressive.

Sangron - Ah ha! So you have some Philly area in ya? I loved WCAU when it was channel 10. Now it's channel 3 and I get too lost trying to figure where the hell anything is on the TV. So I read a book instead! :)

You need a $50 license to get married so, in case it doesn't work, you have the proof to go through with your $2,500+ divorce.

Shell - he is a stick! And a pain in the butt! And we might get married this weekend. So we might not be there for Gina's party. Don't know. Will find out more later today.

Charlie - I think Geo's song to me is "You are the Woman" by Firefall and my song to him is "Beacuse You Loved Me" by Celine Dion (and I am not a Celine fan but I love that song). After that, it will be "The Anniversary Song" by Cowboy Junkies.

Tony - Oh sweetie, I'll always be Tony's LoveBitch!! xoxox