Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Love notes from jury selection
Jury duty?! The summons was staring right back at me in my post box along with the other junk mail I don't care to ever receive. Of all the thankless, boring, time-wasting things one can do with a perfectly productive day, this ranks up there in the top five. I am pretty sure there are worse things but I just can't think of any right now. And it's on a Friday! Sweet Mother-May-I. Yeah, some people might think "Oh, long weekend" Wrong! Take one part Center City, add Friday traffic and mix in summertime and you get asphyxiation from sitting to damn long in some cluster jam. And it starts at 8:15 AM in the Criminal Justice building. Criminal? Hello, don't want to be in same building with soon to be convicts. And you can't take your cell phone in with you? What kind of horse poo is that?
I know! I'll say I didn't get it. My post office sucks! They're constantly screwing up the mail deliveries. I've probably delivered more mail to my neighbor than the postal carrier has. But what to do with the evidence? Of course, the shredder! I'll just pop that notice in there along with the utility bills and mortgage statements. It's perfect! I can only play this hand once in a lifetime and that time has come.
However, my good self and bad self - Yin and Yang - have decided to pay me visit. Terrific.
"You must go. It's your civic duty."
"Are you high? It's on a Friday! Not happening."
"You get the opportunity to be a part of the justice system."
"Oooo, there's a real enticement. I'll pass. And how about the lavish monetary compensation you get? What is it ... $7? Wow. There's motivation."
"You'll meet new people and get to stroll Center City during lunch."
"Others are depending on you to be there. The lawyers, the judges, ..."
"The drug dealers, the insurance bilkers, the crack whores, blah blah blah."
"You won't have to go to work and see those bloated, fatheads that think they know everything including running a company."
long silence ...
"Good point, you win."
Fine, I'm going. Though, if asked, I'm telling them I believe in the electric bench.