Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Five Query Inquisition a la the Prof

I am a glutton for punishment. I'm also not very bright. I have already answered five questions from Taz and Pig so of course I'd like to do five more. Yes, I am the idiot who drops the toaster in the tub, fishes it out, shakes out the water, and plugs it back in to to see if it's broken.


So now it's the Prof's turn!

Here are the rules (such as they are):

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment asking to be interviewed.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Now, on with the questions.

1 -- If you had ONE CHANCE to get absolute, perfectly appropriate revenge on someone, and NOT get caught, would you go for it, and what would you do? (Note: you don't have to tell us WHO, unless you abstract it out.)

The wuss in me would never do anything to someone. No matter how much of an ass someone is to me, I figure they are just a miserable piece of carbon anyway. Then I feel bad for them. besides, I always have this inert fear the second I do something vengeful, something worse will happen to me or my family.

Yeah, I know, BORING!

2 -- Which book has been the most influential in forming you as a person? (Note: you can't say "The Bible," because that would be a lame cop-out.)

But we LIKE lame cop-outs. Okay, okay. Dammit. I can not remember the book's title for the life of me. I read it in college. It dealt with God, science, the big bang, positive and negative energies, matter, light particles, etc. It actually brought me back to church. I just Googled for an hour and couldn't find it. But that was it! I swear! I think it had "universe" in the title.

Oh, rats.

3 -- Do you think pets go to Heaven, and why/why not?

I do believe they go to Heaven, kind of. Heaven to me is a warm feeling, like being wrapped in a blanket. No worries, no pain, no time. It's not the pearly gates with angels on clouds playing harps. From what I understood in class about angels, angels are frightening creatures. People shielded their eyes or bowed their heads from the sight of an angel in the Bible. That wasn't reverence - they were scared to death. Hello? Something not known to this Earth just popped in front of you and said it was from God. Umm, I'd cower and pee myself. But I digress. Heaven is a beautiful, ineffable feeling that is available to all. If you are a positive person, you are attracted to the positive in the afterlife. God to me is the positive; hence, you go to Heaven. Negative is the opposite. Animals are neither so their form of Heaven is boundless.

I am so glad my pastor doesn't read this blog. I can hear it now - "Heretic!"

4 -- What would the PERFECT day be like, in Maidink's world?

I would be with the family for starters. First, it would be at an amusement park or state fair or Ren Faire. We'd have enough money to do whatever without going crazy. Then it would be dinner where everyone would enjoy the meal. Then I'd drop the baby at mom and dad's home. Then Geo and I would go down Center City, hit a few bars (just for a buzz without getting sloshed), and maybe catch some nightly entertainment. Then we would go to our prearranged hotel suite, take a nice bath in the hot tub, feed each other food in the most imaginative ways possible, and bang each other like a screen door in a wind storm until exhaustion sets in.

In perfect Dreamworld, the baby would be potty trained. Oh rapture!!

5 -- You're changing a diaper -- a really vile and nasty one -- in a public restroom, when someone just pisses you off to the bitter end. Diaper in one hand, temper high -- do you use the diaper to your best advantage, or do you bundle it up and throw it away?

Public restroom means the buttmunch is female. Nasty diaper means it can knock a buzzard off a shit wagon. I'd evaluate the situation. Old person? Probably die soon anyway so who cares. I'll never have to deal with them again. Little kid? Ignore the little pest and let their parent or guardian deal with them later (or the police). Person my age? I'd think about it, smile, bundle the nappy, and throw out the diaper. This harkens back to my answer in question #1.


And separate from the questions, the baby is in a size 3T. If you want to ditch anything, let me know. I'd be everso grateful.

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